i love candles.
the flicker and warmth of their glow. not the heat, because i still enjoy them on
hot summer evenings.
lately i've been alone. well, really only for four days now - my boyfriend
has left town for an adventure up highway 1 on his motorcycle.
it's intriguing to realize how i miss him.
it isn't a need for his service or his company.
i actually miss his presence - his being.
knowing he's in town or at least in the next room or so.
i miss that.
the comfort of having another spirit close-by. someone who knows me and cares.
the more i get to know him, the more i love him.
i love his gentle spirit, the way he goes through his day caring.
caring that he doesn't wake me up if i'm sleeping in after a night shift.
caring whether the dog has been fed.
caring whether his ticket will get paid before he leaves town, even though
it's not due until after he's planning to return.
he doesn't care if he has to skeleton-ize his pack in to just-the-essentials
leaving behind his hair wax and maybe even his cell phone charger...
so different than me. so perfect for teaching me the ways
that life-and-being can work.
it's exciting to have his warmth and glow in my life.
watching his life ebb and flow and form.
always hoping he'll include me in his plans, in his hopes and dreams.
i want to be in his life, just to experience him.
just to feel his presence and his being in my midst.
I WATCHED A MOVIE CALLED "THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING" TODAY. MY FAVORITE PART WAS WHEN HE STARTED WRITING HIS BOOK, HE HAD FINALLY FOUND HIS NEW VOICE AND WAS ABLE TO EXPRESS AND RECORD HIS THOUGHTS AND THEORIES INTO PHYSICAL PRINT. WATCHING A PERSON IN A MOVIE WHO OVERCAME ODDS, & USED HIS SOUND MIND TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE WORLD WAS THOUGHT-PROVOKING. AFTER WATCHING THE MOVIE, I WAS WONDERING HOW I WOULD COPE WITH AN ILLNESS LIKE LOU-GHERIG'S DISEASE. I WAS LEFT WONDERING HOW I WOULD DO AS THE WIFE OF A SICK MAN WHO REQUIRED MY CARE WHILE I ALSO CARED FOR OUR CHILDREN.
LIFE CAN BE SO HARD, BUSY, OVERWHELMING, BEWILDERING, AND SURPRISING. I GUESS I JUST MARVEL AT THE ABILITY OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT TO ADAPT AND CONTINUE TO SEE THE BEAUTY OF LIFE. AT THE END OF THE MOVIE, MR. HAWKING SAYS, "LOOK AT WHAT WE MADE" (TALKING TO HIS WIFE ABOUT THEIR THREE CHILDREN). I GUESS I JUST HOPE TO BE A PERSON WHO SEES THE FUTURE AND THE POTENTIAL AND LOVES IT ALL. LOVING THE PROCESS AND THE FLOW OF LIFE. LOVING THE PEOPLE WHO SURROUND ME AND TRYING MY BEST TO BE THERE FOR THEM THROUGH EVERYTHING THAT COMES, IS MY GOAL.
