rooted. but willing to look beyond.

The city of Loma Linda is in the process of widening Campus street in front of West Hall.
This morning when I arrived to take my test (Public health final…last nursing final of my life!!! Besides the NCLEX boards exam),
I was locking up my bike and heard some "officials"/"inspectors"/"boss guys"
talking about how they need to cut down a maple tree and a palm tree.
The trees are in the way of the widening.
It struck me as sad that these trees that have probably been growing here for 20+ years
are just getting chopped down and they barely had a few hours of warning.
The beauty they add to our building is so valuable, and they're going to be just "gone" tomorrow?!
I know the trees don't "know" what's happening or that their lives are over.
but still.
Chain saws buzzed as the perfectly healthy, beautiful trees were being cut down as I left school.

I started pedaling home.
It affected me to think that these growing things are being ended and only their roots will remain.
I thought about how sometimes things get chopped down, removed, changed in my own life, or in lives of my close friends and family.
At the beginning it may seem unfair, confusing, surprising, and we just want to fight the changes.
We think, why does this other person get to choose what happens to me, why is this change happening when I was happy with the way things were, who am I after this, why did I lose someone in my life who I wanted to be there forever?
On the other hand, we may fear the roots and wish that these rotten things would just disappear, that the roots of rotten things have no value.
So, what happens when only the roots are left of that thing/relationship/accomplishment/goal.
Roots of these are there as reminders, we can feel them and understand their origin.
We know they were growing and were a part of our lives.
But we can make a choice to set a pretty plant on the stump, cover up the spot with something more useful.
Making use of our uprooted or chopped-down selves is what creates change and allows us to move forward.
There are multiple times in my life when I was afraid I would fail, when I figured I would never be happy without a certain someone, when I felt un-loved, unacceptable or disrespected.  The fear, sharp pain or guilt or loss, and longing in those experiences is what I imagine the "protection and love" of parents is rooted in.  No one wants another person (especially a child) to have to experience fear and longing like that in this life.  
I can feel those roots of hurt, change, confusion, unfairness.  Sometimes I may want to bomb the site of that "tree" to try to eliminate all the memory.  Still, there may be other roots that I wish would sprout again and grow.  Those experiences, memories and feelings have deep meaning and reality in my life.
But choosing to look up and out from whence beauty developed out of those times….
That's when I truly feel growth and absolute freedom to love who I am, without judgment.
Trees in my own life may feel deeply rooted, beautiful and free.  I may cringe at the thought of them being changed and chopped to nothing.  Or, on the contrary, sometimes I feel that the root of an experience or relationship is tangled into who I am, so much so that my mind is consumed and I forget to look up and out at the beauty around me.
I want to have the courage and strength to look beyond, while still appreciating all of my roots.