angels

little boy.
he's so handsome.
one eye is smaller than the other.
permanent scowl in between his delicate eyebrows.
i hold back the urge to tell him i love him.
he's not even my child.
but his little rolls, his delicate cry...
he's so precious.
the lives that are saved by modern medicine.
are they preciously preserved just to touch my life?
sometimes it feels that way.
his mama loves him dearly, but she can't ALWAYS be here.
i'm there with him all day at "work".
can i kiss his chubby cheek? probably shouldn't.
i want to! he deserves the world.
thanking God for these opportunities.
to care for those who need it
and snuggle them close when they cry.
they might be my patients and they might be my angels.

happi

it's so interesting to me that there is music and food and different paths that make me feel so comforted. walking around my neighborhood, listening to the weepies, eating toast with raspberry jam and butter...i love those things. finding a hill to sit on top of and just look out, it feels good. that subtle breeze that cools you and warms you at the same time while you just sit. you feel small and yet you feel like each breathe of fresh air is making you a bigger better person, and letting you in on the secret of life.

i forgot to say that james taylor's music makes me feel like i'm melting in to myself. i love his music.
i've been running a lot lately and my body is getting stronger and more "runner-like". spending that time to myself or with my boyfriend just jogging and strengthening my heart does me good. i need that rhythm and physical exertion in my life.
so back to things that make me feel comforted. thinking back to my times at wwu, i had a lot of friends and acquaintances and so many of them are memorable. but, i remember feeling excited and interested and lit-up when (my now boyfriend) Jacob would be around. we didn't know each other well, but we were acquaintances. i remember him being in choir practices or seeing him walk through a certain building on campus and i would just be happy to see him, he meant something to me! i don't mean "ooh there's that sexy jacob hunk i just feel all queasy inside 'cause he's so cute"....it wasn't like that. it wasn't a crush where i thought of him all the time or wanted to pursue him. he just MEANT SOMETHING bIG in my heart, it's like I knew already.

i guess i'm just amazed that someone who is big in my life now, who makes me me and who has added measureless meaning to my life would spark my interest from the beginning. it's interesting. it's like reverse deja vu or something...being drawn to what will mean the most in your life.  perhaps, even, comforted by their presence before you've ever hugged them or touched them. it's like the chemicals in their body, or their aura or their mind is good for you. it affects you.

there are so many types of happiness. so many recipes for happiness, so many opportunities. i might be happy on a hill breathing in the air, when someone else's idea of pure joy is sleeping in, cuddled under a giant down comforter. okay i'd like that too...hehe. i think of the people i've seen and talked to in Kenya. small interactions, acquaintances...they're happy in their life. they find joy looking at their views, eating their delicacies, listening to their own "music". so far far removed from me, but happiness just as real.

i think the purpose of life is to experience all types of happiness, find ways to fit and mold and use experiences to find happiness in everything. even if the happiness comes from a journey...it'll come. it's not all happy, but happy can always come out of life. i want to continue discovering new music, people, smells, sights...and let my happiness palate be transformed. tannins of happiness are everywhere to be tasted and sensed! hehe :)

inspired by love today

i've been so busy lately. busy with thinking and being nervous about work. busy with trying to have fun when i'm not working. busy with completing life's mundane tasks like eating, doing laundry, driving places, etc. i've been planning out my days. trying to fit in exercise, moments for relaxation, scheduled dog walks. it's tiring to my spirit that's so prone to live an unplanned life...in every way! haha

but i've been missing the point. i've been focusing on myself, i've been looking through a tunnel of my own stupid cares. when my loved ones have the power to cheer me, distract me, and remind me of what gives life worth.

today at work, i was inspired. seeing parents with extremely sick children, i was taken aback...kind of knocked on my butt by their attitude. there they sat, at their sick child's bedside...at the will of the doctors, nurses, test results, and machines tracking their child's progress. dedicated to seeing their child get well. after thousands of diaper changes, sleepless months, and information overload, they were able to cuddle their baby, trying to comfort him. it was so beautiful. the love...

i'm touched by the fact that love truly does extend beyond comprehension sometimes. when others couldn't imagine having the will to keep going and keep loving, the lovers can't imagine NOT. like parents to sick children, love is an unbearable attraction. pain, death, sickness, and extreme lethargy couldn't even weaken it.

love conquers all, love saves, and love amazes me!

notice the love, feel the love...and you'll start to forget yourself...it's a good feeling.