next

boom clap, the sound in my heart. the beat goes on, and on, and on, and on now.
wow. miraculous. awesome. inexplicable. amazing. life.
it's amazing how our hearts work. how our bodies work.
makes me want to cry when i imagine the intricacy of the human body.
and then when i add feelings and emotions into the miraculous "tickings", my understanding
becomes impossible. i can't completely grasp my own existence, or anyone else's for that matter.
it's so hard to imagine that life isn't from some purposeful source. that we, aren't created
for a purpose.
so, with a hopeful heart and a smile, i choose to believe.
i choose to believe in my version of a loving God.
a loving God who has made inexplicable things come into being.
who will make even more inexplicable things come alive.
a God who also allows inexplicable things to take place.
things that hurt, sting, burn, and ache.
our beautiful hearts that are so intricate, can ache with a strength that rivals the force of their beauty.
aching that may feel it will never end, that tears and overwhelms.
all that's left is hope. it's not fair that hope is the only thing left...
we want the being back, the presence back in our present.
but it's always there, hope.
despite sickness, suffering, and eventually death.
there's always hope.
there's always something left..
something next.


my grade school art teacher died this last week. she's dead. cancer beat her body for years and she finally couldn't fight anymore. it's horrible. imagining her kids (they're my age, my old school mates) and her husband without her. they miss her. they miss the person, they don't want hope. they just want her.

then today, a girl from WWU fell asleep with Jesus. she'd been hit by a truck and was being kept alive by machines. her parents don't want to be in the hospital room with her dead body. they want her breathe and warmth and her hugs. they want her smile and the smell of her hair when they hug her. they don't want hope.

but maybe, with all of these people...hope will become the next thing. after all the hurt and wondering and crying. hope will be next.