lists and growing-up

i've become a list maker during this last year.  i now make lists every day at work to make sure i don't forget anything that needs to be done for my patients.  i also make lists of to-do's when i'm on a mission to have a productive day of chores/errands. no longer can i just assume i'll remember all the important stuff...there's now more important stuff to complete on some days than i can remember...or count on one hand. so i have to make lists. it's so weird! back before starting to work in the "real world" of nursing, i never did this. i wonder why i do it now. possibly because my chores are now completely up to me, i don't have a mom around to tell me what to do next. also, because now I pay for most things in my life and i want to remember to pay on time so i don't get delinquent and my electricity turned off or something. work is hectic with doctors writing new orders every hour and baby patients pooping themselves...so i have to make lists to keep myself sane, and so i complete the correct tasks for my shift. my sudden switch over to being a list maker surprises me and kind of makes me sad. i feel tied down and responsible for things. my heart that longs to be carefree now has a steady flow of stuff i HAVE to do...not an option to ignore them. i wish i didn't have to come up with $560 each month to pay my rent. i wish i didn't have thousands upon thousands of dollars to pay back for student loans i took out. perhaps life would be simpler if my brain could keep a tally of my tasks at work with no chance to forget a thing. i miss that child-like innocence and freedom of waiting until mom made me do something. i guess i'll just have to find child-like freedom in the little things. eat a pb&j once in a while, make a sand castle at the beach, stay up late talking with friends, wrestle with my dog in the backyard, and pick flowers on evening walks. there's still youthfulness to be found amidst the responsibilities, i guess.