can't help thinking of my cousin tonight. she died with too much life left to live. her baby daughter will never remember her voice or her hands or her sayings. so, so sad. so, so unfair. feeling sorry and confused. it's confusing that a life with so much to contribute, so wished to live, by everyone - would still be lost. i consider myself a believer in God and miracles and His guidance in the grand scheme and the little details of life. but, it's still alarming to see how quickly a life can be cut short. a body can be torn, squashed, mixed-up, ruined by disease. all of the advances in medicine couldn't anti-bacterialize, anti-viralize, de-cancerize her beautiful body. so, now she is gone. she breathed her last perfect breath and left this world. she'll rest until she's set free to live again with a pure, healthy body. one that has no pain, no imperfections, no fear of death. i can only imagine feeling a sting of wonder and fear. it would grip my throat, heart, and stomach all-at-once: why me? how will i die? what will it feel like? will it hurt? will i be scared? who will be there? will they miss me when i'm gone? will they forget me? how will my baby grow up without a mom?
so many questions.
no real answers.
only trust and faith.
and she had a lot of faith.
i love and loved and will love her, until i see her again.
we'll go for a swim in a clear lake. maybe go skinny dipping.
a quote i found pinned on her pinterest wall:
"there is no key to happiness, the door is always opened" - mother theresa
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